Hannah's Hope

A couple of years ago, a friend in church came to me with a burden on her heart. God asked her to share the story of Hannah from the book of Samuel. You see, Hannah married a prestigious man. She just KNEW she would be able to make him proud and be the mother of his children. She dreamed of the day that she would be a mom. She dreamed for months, and even years.  Every year, people walked from alllllll over to pray at the tabernacle in Shiloh. And every year, Hannah prayed to God that he would bless her with a child. Hannah prayed a special prayer one year, and told God that if he gave her a child, she will give him back to Him. She began to weep and was extremely distraught. A priest saw Hannah and immediately thought she was drunk. He began to ask her what was wrong and she explained how she was pouring out her heart to God. He then got down on his knees with her and prayed with her. Soon, Hannah is blessed with a baby! Hannah then went on to have 3 more sons and 2 daughters.


Oh how I can relate to Hannah. I know what it must have been like for her to see many young women, and even younger than her become pregnant. I know what it is like to look at the women who are already having their second and even third baby. I know what it is like to see loved ones receive this beautiful gift! However, I love how God used this woman at church to teach me the story of Hannah. I love how I can sit and think "I'm not the only one who had this longing." Hannah didn't stop praying when she didn't get pregnant immediately. I can't say that about myself. I have given up before and you just can't give up on God! I would LOVE to sit down with her and talk to her about her faith. She had an amazing faith! I am thankful that God has given me Hannah to have for encouragement in hard times. 


A couple of months ago, I was researching infertility stuff, IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination) and IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) - which is where we are heading....And came across a website called Hannah's Prayer Ministries. The name "Hannah" stood out to me and I just KNEW before I clicked on it that it was about Hannah in the Bible! The host of the website, Jennifer Saake, has shared her trials and triumph with infertility and also used Hannah for inspiration. I then noticed that she wrote a book - Hannah's Hope! WOW! cha-ching! I have sooooooooo many books on all the facts and statistics of infertility from the average failure rate to the cost of all of the procedures. But I didn't have a book on HOPE! I didn't have a book with Bible-based answers (really??? I know!) I have just started reading it, and it is such an easy read, but it is so amazing to have allllll of these scriptures flowing out to show me how God is in ultimate control and that just like Hannah, he will too bless me! =) It is amazing to see how God is working in my life! I feel so new and so alive! I still don't know what he wants to do with my life, but my heart desires to be a mommy and if that is what He wants for me, then I will faithfully serve Him! 


I cannot begin to tell you how beautiful my prayers are to Him. I don't beg him like before. I don't blame Him like before. I don't curse him like before. Instead, I thank Him. I thank Him for his Son. I thank Him for giving me HOPE! Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord "Plans to prosper you and give you HOPE and a future, not to harm you". God didn't give me those fears before! Satan, the KING of hurt and pain did! And guess what! I'm SOOOO done with that! My God is an awesome God and He loves ME! =)


People ask me ALLLLLL the time, how are you stable? I don't know how you can go 4 years! Why haven't you adopted yet? How can you keep praising Jesus! If he loved you, he would give you a baby! I just really laugh and say "Yes, He does love me! But he doesn't OWE me anything! I desire a baby, He knows that desire. Whether it is in His plan or not is up to Him and I still will continue to praise Him whether he blesses us with a child or not! A relationship with Jesus isn't based on a reward system! We were already rewarded with the ultimate gift - the life and death of Jesus so that we CAN and WILL live eternally with Him in Heaven someday!" Bless you all!!!

{The story of Hannah can be found in 1 Samuel 1}