My ways are not your ways....

Isaiah 55:8 states this:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

Declares the Lord.

Well, within the next week, we will hopefully have a road to travel on. We have taken the last 3 months off from IUI's and doctor visits to recoup emotionally and physically. I went to Mardels today to get a gift for a friend's teenage daughter and ended up buying myself a book too. I needed to find a book that has scripture and God's word to describe God's plan for us during this battle with infertility. I asked the young college boy if he had any books on infertility and honestly, I think I embarrassed the poor kid! Anyways, I found this book:

So far it is really good. I'm only about 40 pages into it. It is a companion book you are supposed to read with your partner. My husband doesn't read. haha! So, I just tell him the keypoints and scripture and leave it there! On the way home, I asked him if he had any idea of any sort of plan for us. We had been so sure all along the way since my surgery that we would go forth with the IUI's. Well, we just figured since I had the surgery to remove the septum and then the endometriosis we found out I had after the surgery that I would just be magically fixed and that we would just get pregnant the first time trying. Wrong. 1 natural cycle and 2 IUI's and 3 medicated natural cycles later, we still aren't pregnant. Why? I don't know. HE does. I am such a planner and NEED to take control of my life. But as the scripture so states, His plans aren't mine. Jeremy asked if I thought that maybe we were going down this road without His direction but ours. I honestly don't think we are. I know he gave us both the desire to be parents and we prayerfully made the decision to seek further help from Dr. Phy. But this little break has caused us to really think. We have prayed much lately about His plan and to show us if this is still His plan and not ours. He knows my desires and He knows my heart. I just need Him to  give me guidance as to what step to take next. 

We also discussed the Mack-Daddy of infertility treatments: IVF. In-Vitro Fertilization. We both have mixed feelings about this. We are planning to call our Dr and get a consult with her to discuss this process. From what I have read online and in books, it's rather complicated. IF you have good quality eggs retracted during a MINOR surgery-type procedure, they are then fertilized. Only a certain % will fertilize. What if you have more than 2 (the max amount she will implant in the uterus) embryos? How do you pick which ones that go in? Who does that? What do they do with the ones that are left? I know they could be frozen, but is that the embryo or is it the egg? We have decided that if it's the embryo that is either frozen or to be tossed out, we aren't going through with IVF ever. I know that God gave the doctors the knowledge and ability to do this type of advanced therapy, however, I don't want to mess with God's divine purpose. 

We also discussed adoption. How would we pick? Would we just let God surprise us? Do we want a multiracial child (we aren't racist at all what-so-ever, it's honestly an option we would have to decide on)...What if that child has special needs? Would we be equipped to care for that child?

My father-in-law always states to never worry about anything until you have something to worry about, then don't worry about it and give it to God. It's SO true, but it's been so hard when I have been asking for guidance and direction and I haven't been given a clear answer.

So, pray much for us that we will go forward if it HIS will and not our own. Also please pray that if it isn't His will, that we will have the peace that passes all understanding.