Haha! When we went on vacation in July, we shared with Dr. Phy that we wanted to take some time off from the IUI's (I know, we've only done 2...but it's just been emotionally and physically draining since December and since the surgery in March and we just really needed a break...). She gave me 3 months of Femara (what helps my body to ovulate...) and told us to take as much time as we needed, but at the end of the 3 months, we needed to decide if want to continue with our last IUI or go on to IVFor if we just wanted to try on our own without any medication. It has been extremely peaceful.
Most days.
I am beginning to feel content with our lives just as we are. This is so hard, I'm not gonna lie. When I begin to get "baby fever" or a green streak starts to show up, all I can do is pray and ask God to please help me be content. I found this quote on Pinterest the other day, and I LOVE it! I have to constantly remind myself that although we are in the middle of the battle and this is a very hard and exhausting fight, that we wouldn't be here if it wasn't in His plan. And with that, I continue to ask him to show us His plan and to help us leave this path if this isn't what His plan is for us right now.
Although my arms and our extra room may be emtpy and longing to hold a child of our own, God is working with me on filling my heart with His love. I need Him to show me what He wants me to be and to lead me in the direction that I should go.
I don't know if I will ever give birth to a child of my own, but I would like to think that God does in fact have a child in store for us somewhere.
We don't know what path to take and need some prayers of guidance right now. We don't want to jump into something that isn't His plan for us. I want to do what He is leading me to do. I am not ready to give up fighting for pregnancy, but I want that to be His will. It is so hard for me to not just give up and try to take control of my fertility on my own. I KNOW I have to take the medication to make me ovulate, but what do we do? Do we proceed with the last IUI and see where that takes us or do we go straight to IVF? Where the $12-$20k we could use to adopt a child.
I DON'T KNOW. And this is hard. But He does. And I have to put all of my trust in Him and not halfheartedly.
Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that: "I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
What this tells me is to LET GO and let Him handle this! He is already there and knows my future. Which His plans are so much better than ours. He isn't gonna lead me down a path of failure and hurt (He just has to show me the right path...Or I might just slip that way...)
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