A Light at the End of the Tunnel

Wow! It's pretty much all I can say after today! We had our follow up and everything went great! The septum was confirmed and my kidneys are perfect, so no issue there! We have the surgery date set and I know March is a little ways away, it's SO CLOSE compared to the 4 years we've been trying!

I am so elated and it seems like it's a dream and it's really not happening, but God rocks! Seriously! I don't know how I could have gotten through this without His grace and mercy! He is so loving and although it's been crazy and really just flat out depressing, He still shows me His love! People keep asking me if I'm nervous, and really, no, I'm not! I'm so excited! I know recovery will be a little rough, but God is my healer and I'm already taken care of!

So, I know some of you are here to read exactly what the game plan is, so here it is:

February 22nd -- We have pre-op!!! Start birth control. This is kind of funny to me because when I picked up the prescription today, the pharmacist was kinda weirded out by my prescriptions of birth control and pre-natals! This is to thin out the lining of my uterus and prevent me from ovulating.

March 2nd -- D-Day!!! I'm so excited, because this far, this will be one of the best days of my life! I know surgery isn't something really to be excited about, cause, well, it's surgery! But like I said, God is my healer!! She will remove the septum and then place a balloon in my uterus to prevent the uterine walls from collapsing. I will then have to be on a 21 day supply of Estrogen to thicken up my uterine lining, and then 11 days into that, I will have to take Progesterone for 10 days (again! ugh!) to mimic ovulation to help me start a new cycle!

****I'm apologizing in advance for any crankiness, sobbing, snapping or any awful behavior that comes out of me during those hormone treatments! They are AWFUL! And if you think it's bad for you to have to deal with me, try being ME having to deal with the internal effects! I HATE being weepy and grumpy and snappy, nauseous, headaches, and puking, but it is all for the greater purpose, so I'm doing whatever I can to help create life! =)****

March 15-- Post-op I will have sutures and a balloon that was placed in my uterus removed and then we will set up the game plan for the possible IUI in April.

Please please please pray specifically for the following things:

~Pray first for an EARLY MORNING surgery! I won't know the time until pre-op and it was awful last time because I was SOOOOOOOO sick from having to wait for a while and not eating!!!! I KNOW this may sound silly, but I really would prefer this! lol!

~Please pray for my Dr and her staff to perform to the best of their abilities during this time! I have really felt God has blessed me so far by having her take care of us!

~Pray that the hormones don't affect my tummy! I've had enough of this and really can deal with the mood swings, but I'm so tired of tummy-aches!

~Pray that God's will, be done! I know it will, just can't hurt for extra prayers, right?

~Pray that if it is in His plan, a way for us to do IUI in April will be possible. There will be many Dr appointments during that treatment plan, and we have Review coming April 11-15, and NO ONE is allowed off during this time. I TOTALLY understand this, and if it is God's will for us to do this month, then He will allow it to happen, just as He has these last few months! Just when I thought things weren't possible, He was there to show a way!

~Pray that I heal well and don't have any complications (it's a very minor surgery, but still!!) The last surgery I had, I ended up with infection where one incision was made. It was gross, painful and NOT fun!

I just want to thank each and every single one of you who take time to read my blog! It's mainly a venting place for me, and for those of you who have offered prayers and encouraging words, I am so thankful! Thank you to my HUSBAND who has stood right by my side, the entire time, been to EVERY SINGLE Dr appointment, dealt with the mood swings of hormones, held my hair while I puked from hormones & prenatal vitamins, and really just has been my rock (well, next to the Lord, anyways!). Thank you to my ever so understand supervisor and boss! I will continue to feel awful for asking for days off and I'm really sorry for any inconveniences I may have ever caused! I appreciate your concern and really just your hearts, because you are both so compassionate! =) I am thankful for you both!!

If I left anything out, I'm sure I'll write another blog......

Eleven years ago I went on my very first mission trip to New York City, New York. Eleven years ago I was 13. Eleven years ago, I didn't know how God would work in my heart, as He is now. Eleven years ago, I didn't know God. 


We were excited to be going to NYC, and I don't think we really knew what we were in for! We were told that we were going to work at missions shelters and help the homeless! I didn't know what to expect, but man was I excited to go to NYC! We drove for 30 hours from First Baptist, Snyder to NYC on a hot and STINKY charter bus and served God. Is it possible to serve God before you even know Him? I think so, but I'm not sure! Maybe it was just a foundation for the future! Only He knows!


Fast-forward eleven years and here I am. Jeremy & I were having dinner tonight and for some really strange reason, I began to talk to him about missions. I shared with him that I think God might be stirring my heart again and that missions may be in my future. He just looked at me very confused, and stated that I  better not expect him to go, as he has never felt led to go. Which is really okay with me! God calls each of us to serve him in our own way, and if God isn't calling him to serve him in missions, then I believe he would only be going in vain! Or maybe it would touch him? I feel the need to pray for him more regarding having God touch his heart, if it his will, towards missions and giving. I've always had a giving heart, and I thank God for this!


I'm not exactly sure at this point what God is calling me to do, but I will faithfully honor him! If I am called to go and serve him in another city, state or even country, I pray that I have my husbands support 100%! I know I am called to honor the Lord and I'm also told to honor my husband! I don't like to be away from Jeremy for more than a day, so I'm not sure how this would work out, but if a mission trip is in my future, I know God has everything taken care of, including this aspect! I know that God will only bless me if I do, and why not do something to share His love for others as He has me?


I found some scripture regarding missions and wanted to share with you, also!

Matthew 28:19 (New Living Translation)

¹⁹ Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,^[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

2 Timothy 4:2 (New Living Translation)

² Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.

2 Corinthians 3:8 (New International Version, ©2010)

⁸ will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious?

So, some of you may be thinking, "Okay Amanda! How in the world did you get all this in your head? Why now? But how can you think of doing this when you are busy making a family??" But, why not? My JOB is to first and foremost serve my Lord! Once again, he doesn't OWE me anything especially children! They are a GIFT from Him! And if it is His will, then I will be joyful and praise him! Until then, I will SERVE HIM!!


Also, another contributing factor for me to want to do more, is this family of this precious boy. I don't know this family personally, but I feel God has shared his story with me so that I may be blessed! I personally feel that God is using him already to fulfill his purpose! I love his mother's heart and her dedication to the Lord during this excruciating time in her life! I cannot imagine and I pray for her daily!!!

 

Holden Uganda

2010 Year In Review

Lots of people have been focusing on the past year and the hardships and blessings that were given to them. At this time in my life, I am truly thankful for 2010! It was a very crazy year! A roller coaster with loops and flips and even a part where you go backwards through the ride. But, I love roller coasters and I'm very grateful that God chose me to experience the things I did! I will try to review the year the best I can, and if I leave anything out, so sorry!

February - Found out my sister in law and her husband were expecting. This was the hardest thing I faced all year long. I was filled with jealousy, anger, resentment, and all of the things that only Satan provides. I'm sure he was just having a ball with my heart during that time. After attending church the next Sunday, I felt the Holy Spirit move over me and give me peace. After confessing to them my ugly heart and hateful words, I felt better.

March - I had laparoscopy #1 and HSG #1 (I was asleep!). This was to check for endometriosis and if my tubes were blocked. Everything was all clear. I stayed on Clomid 2 more cycles to help me ovulate. My best friend announced that she was pregnant and this was hard, although not as hard as before.

At the end of May, I decided I needed a break to get closer to God, and to escape from the pain and frustration with being unable to become pregnant. May was also the 4 year mark for us trying. May 26, my niece had her baby Kenzie. It was a blessing to be there the evening after she had her and just love all over this precious girl.

July 18 - My precious niece, Emmalyn was born 10 weeks early. She spent the next 5 weeks and a few days in NICU learning how to breathe and eat. It was very emotional for everyone, and it was a very trying time. I believe that Em was to come early to restore all of our faith in God. She is now 5 1/2 months old and a perfect miracle from the one and only God! I give him all of the glory for healing her and helping her grow and develop! I believe that at this point, I was not a mommy yet because He needed me to be her aunt. He needed me to pray every day for this baby and give everything I could to her!

August - I made the appointment with our new Reproductive Endocrinologist, DR Jennifer Phy. Our first appointment wasn't until December, and it was a very hard time waiting, but it was just another step in our ultimate goal! Now that I look back, 4 months really wasn't that long!

November - My best friend, Nickki, had her baby Rylei. I was so excited to finally meet the final girl of the year! She was (still is, of course) a beautiful baby and I'm so thankful that I am apart of her life! Nickki is pretty much my twin. We are identical and we argue all the time, but it keeps us on our toes! Our poor husbands! They are always having to be referees! She is my sister from another mister and I wouldn't trade her for anything!

December - We finally got to go to our RE appointment! And by God's amazing grace, we were given an answer - I have a septate uterus. After taking an awful hormone replacement, I was scheduled for two tests. One was an HSG #2 (I was awake for this one!) test (which was AWFUL!) and the other was an IVP, which was bad, but not as bad as the first. I just have a bruise from the IV.

I know there were a lot more events in between, but these are the highlights of my year. Although, tough, I am truly thankful for all of the experiences, good and bad, that God allowed me to go through. And everyone is right, He will not give me more than I can handle, and I'm truly grateful for the ability to test and strengthen my faith! =) I hope you are all blessed in this new year!

He chose ME!

I used to sit and wonder "Why me, God?" and I now really think, "Why not me?". How awesome is it that God is using me to show just how great He is to others around me? I LOVE that about Him! Through all of the despair, hurt, anger, frustration and pain, HE has never left me! He was there all along and I give Him the praise! I'm thankful that He chose me to serve Him in this way and I'm so thankful for the person he has been slowly molding me to be! It's amazing to really think that we have been trying to start a family for 4 years now! Time sure has flown by!

My sister (in-law, we usually just leave that part out!) shared this verse with me and I know God gave it to her, but I think he also gave it to her to share with me (confused yet?? lol!)

Psalms 40:1-3
¹ I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
      and he turned to me and heard my cry.
 ² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
      out of the mud and the mire.
   He set my feet on solid ground
      and steadied me as I walked along.
 ³ He has given me a new song to sing,
      a hymn of praise to our God.
   Many will see what he has done and be amazed.      They will put their trust in the Lord.

How great is this? I have waited 4 years for an answer from Him and just when I thought we'd never receive one, and I was beginning to become content with the fact that having children of my own may just not be God's will from me. However, He offered his mercy, once again and gave us an answer! I know we still have a long road ahead, but with Him on my side, what can go wrong? I have not stressed about the future and I know that it lies in His hands! As he clearly states:

Matthew 6:34 (New Living Translation)

 ³⁴ “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

I pray that God will continue to use me to show others His love and His grace and that they will come to know Him!

Well, that's all I really need to say today (shocking, I know!) I pray that you all have a safe and happy New Year! Please continue to keep us in your prayers! I know they are working! Love you all!

Childhood Toys

SO, since Christmas is right around the corner and alll the kiddos are asking for the latest video games and toys, I wanted to share some of my favorite toys of my childhood era! =) Enjoy!

Oh, how about this little gem for starts? I remember seeing how easy it looked to bake all these goodies! Instead it took like 30 minutes to bake one little bitty cake with that lightbulb! It was fun playing with the machine after a few times but it quickly went into the garage sale! And at $4 a mix? No way!



Ooh! Does he love me? "All signs point to yes!" Alright!!!!!



No, this isn't a creepy doll! This is Baby Alive!!! Remember? You mix the food packets and push on her chin and her mouth moves up and down and you feed her and give her the bottle of water only! Then she will become wet and dirty! Eww! Every once in a while, you'd have to flush hot water down her pipes to clean her out because she was clogged up! Maybe she needed Ex-Lax instead?



Barbie was the queen in my room! I had more Barbies than anyone can imagine! I had a dream house, a super mini-van, 2 jeeps, a convertable and two bikes! And don't count out the classroom, vet office and pool, too! I had cases of clothes and shoes, all organized, of course! I loved Barbie! She was my all time favorite doll, and believe me, if we have a daughter, welp, she's getting Barbies, too! =) Oh, and if you don't beleive me, mom has all of my old Barbies! I even have this 80's one shown! =)



I'm not sure how many of you were into these things like me, but mannnnnn did I have a lot! When Movie Stop was open back in the day I remember going in there and stocking up on them! Then we'd play for keeps at school! FUNN! Yep! Mom still has all of these too!



How about these bad boys??? They were AWESOME to me! I begged for a TMNT birthday party when I was like 4 or 5! So, Barbie loved them as much as she did Ken!!!!

 

Ohhhhhh the infamous gigapet (some of you may have had a Tamagotchi) This is the exact one I had!!! I loved getting to take care of Salem! And sometimes having to push the reset button on the back when I killed him! oops! I remember having it taken away all the time in school! I loved this thing! It's selling on Amazon for $149 right now!


Or how about Littlest Pet Shop, Puppy Surprise (Where the baby's where in the mommy's tummy and you didn't know how many you had until you took it out of the box), My Little Pony, Popples, Care Bears, Ty Beanie Babies???? I'm sure there are lots more!!!

My inspiration for this blog came from a fellow blogger, that I'm totally addicted to right now! It's been fun to have a flashback!!! Leave me some comments about your favorite toys of your childhood!

http://childrenofthenineties.blogspot.com/

 



Answers & Faith!

*****IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO MEDICAL STUFF, DON'T READ! LOL*****

For so long we have prayed for an answer! We have questioned God and asked him "If you loved us, then why are we being punished?". Well, after the Casting Crowns concert Jeremy & I were discussing the concert and our favorite songs and the amazing light technology. But what we finally discussed really and truly gave us both a peace. The song "Praise You in This Storm" literally brought us BOTH to tears! Not just a sniffle here and there. It broke us down. Neither one of us knew the other was crying. Somehow the message of the song told us no matter what it is that God has brought us to, we still have Him by our side! He has NEVER left us! We both said we felt at the end of the night such a peace that we finally said "Okay, God, whatever your will shall be, we will still praise you!" and what a peace that was. I know that having all our family and friends pray for us has really helped, too, as there is power in prayer! The Bible says that when two or more are gathered in his name, then His will, will be done! 


We have anxiously waited for this day to come and we have continue to pray for an answer from Him. We have felt so empty and lost and didn't know where else to turn - when all along we had Him by our side. He knew our exact thoughts and our exact feelings through this turmoil. Yet, He was still there. HE broke me and showed me that HE is there and HE will always be there! I am so glad that he did!


So, today, when I woke up, I felt NO anxiousness. No fear. No concern. Only HOPE! Only EXCITEMENT! Only JOY! And ONLY God can provide those! We drove to Lubbock with such light-hearts and we discussed what we thought was going to happen, but just let it go! We enjoyed ourselves! We arrived at University Medical Center (UMC) Medical Office Plaza (MOP) to fill out the rest of the paperwork and have our picture taken! Yay! We waited about 45 minutes for Dr. Phy to look over our charts and then SHE came and greeted us. All of my past bloodwork and fertility treatments were up to par. We were exactly where we needed to be! So, we decided the next step for us would be Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI). She went over the entire course of a cycle and what was to be expected, the 3 different medications we'd be on (injectables! yuck!) and the cost! Which, praise JESUS, was a fraction of what most places charge! (She said she fought hard to lower the price because she felt it wasn't justifiable to charge for something that only costs a fraction of what they are charging! wow! Woman of faith, I tell ya!) Any-hoo! She decided to then do a pap-smear and an ultrasound - which I'd never had before! I was excited for this ultrasound! (The pap...well, not so much! lol) When she was doing the ultrasound, she discovered that I had a partial septate uterus.  (Which mine looks pretty much like this)

**HERE IS A 'NORMAL' UTERUS** (which I will have soon! Praise Jesus!)

What this means is basically this: While we are being formed in our mother's womb, us women have two uteruses to begin with. (DON'T ask me why! God makes us in HIS image! lol!) Well, enzymes are supposed to break down the wall that separates the two and then there will be only ONE uterus. Well, mine didn't work! Many of you ask how our previous dr didn't notice this during the laparoscopy back in March, it was simply because he couldn't tell. From the outside, my uterus looks normal and rounded (like this picture). He never needed to look INSIDE! (I tell Jeremy it's cause God wasn't ready for us to know this right then! He needed to work on our hearts some more!) Anyways, I will have to go back 5 days into my next cycle (wont go into details...) and have a special x-ray done to determine just how big it is. Sometimes they go all the way down to the cervix, but she didn't think mine did. Then, at the end of February or first of March, I will have another minor surgery - Hysteroscopy (Click here to see procedure, if you are curious!). With this procedure, they will then remove the septum (which is actually just fibrous material that has no blood supply and will never stretch and grow with the uterus during pregnancy), and my uterus will be the 'normal' upside down pear shape rather a heart! =) 

A septate uterus isn't a cause for infertility - actually, it just prevents the embryo to grow! Because when an egg is fertilized, it travels down the fallopian tube and will attach to the upper uterine wall. Well, with the septum in place, there is no blood supply for the embryo that is necessary to grow, and will result in miscarriage. If a woman does in fact become pregnant, the chances of having a late term (24-28 weeks) miscarriage is around 60%. And the rare mothers that make it to term will not be able to deliver their babies vaginally because the baby is unable to turn around like needed.

So, we are excited to know that GOD has given us an answer! After she left the room, and it was just Jeremy & I in there, I BAWLED! He kept telling me "We have an answer! We have an answer!" And I was upset, then I thought "NO! God gave you an answer! Praise HIM!" and boy did I! =) I am a little scared of the surgery, but not like last time. I'm more worried about being sick again like last time. And the downfall is I will have to be off 3 days, instead of one, but He is in ultimate control! =) HE is my healer! =) Bless each and everyone of you who really read all of this! As I know your prayers are working wonders in our life! Even if after all of this, HE still decides to not give us children, it's okay! Because without all of this, my strength and hope in Him would not be where it is today and I know it's only gonna grow! =) 

ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!!

Until we meet our Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Jennifer Phy! I am so excited and really not even scared AT ALL (which is very much not like me!!)! I cannot wait to go meet her and see what she has to say about moving forward! I am excited for a new plan towards our ultimate goal: to be parents! I pray that we will finally see the positve pregnancy test and watch our lives change as we welcome a new child into the world. I have been feeling a small tug on my heart regarding adoption as well. I'm not sure if it is because I'm starting to feel that it's nearing the end for us, or what. I never really had a strong desire to adopt, I just always felt that I would have children of my own. I guess I thought that you can't buy love and happiness. But I do know that is not true. Or maybe it was that our families wouldn't see the baby as our own child it be labeled as a outcast, a misfit. I sometimes feel that if we were to adopt that our family wouldn't have enough love for him or her as they would a biological child. I think I feel a bit of failure towards my husband and our parents if I can't carry or even give birth to a child of our own. I don't really know why I'm feeling these things, but I know that God is doing some work on my heart, and I'm all for it! I have pushed his requests away for some time, and I need to let him have the reigns! Adoption isn't about buying love or happiness. It's about nurturing the children of God - which we all are! We are called to care for the orphans and the widows! I really am excited to see where God is going to lead us in our future, and am really curious to see why the window of adoption


So, whether we will be able to have children of our own, which is a true blessing from our Heavenly Father, or wheteher He chooses us to nurture and raise a child from another womb, or even if the doors to parenthood are shut, I believe that I will be able to praise Him! I will praise HIM through the storm and He alone is worthy of all of my praise! I am not worthy of His gifts and I am truly thankful for those he has already lent me! =) Blessings to you all!