Snuggle In Little Guys! (Or girls!!!)

So, today was transfer day. I have been relatively cool, calm, and collected up until today. I have been on pins and needles wondering how my 4 little babies have been doing (and if we still had 4) since Monday. I left work at 11:00 a.m. to get to UMC around 12:30 to have blood drawn and walk to the room where the embryologist is with the lab. It was a LONG drive. I thought about all of the possibilities. What if there were none left? What if they were perftect blastocysts? I was giddy, I was happy, I was scared. I have been soooo anxious through this whole process. I've been "Cautiously optimistic" so to speak. I want this to work sooooo bad, but am afraid of how I'd feel if I get my hopes up too high.

Well, we finally got to the little embryology room and I got changed into another beautiful gown and the lovely hair-cap thing and footsie covers. Jeremy got to wear a yellow robe like when we visited our niece in the NICU. We forgot to ask our nurse to take a picture of us together because we were busy chatting and then it got busy. Dr Phy came in and greeted us and then the embryologist came out and showed her the images of our little embryos. We actually only had 3 left today at this point. One blastocyst and two compacted morulas. (These are our BABIES! =)

The top picture is a blastocyst. At this stage, the inner cell mass (The inside part that will form the baby) and the ring around the outside (this will be the placenta) will eventually "hatch" from the shell that it's in and begin to attach to the uterin wall. In a "normal" pregnancy, this is where the embryo is travelling from the falloppian tubes to the uterus.

The bottom picture is a morula. The morula contains about 30 cells that are so tightly woven together, a lot like Monkey Bread. This is actually immediately before the blastocyst stage. We have 2 of these that we are praying for! They are basically a day behind and are considred "weak and unstable".

So, when Dr Phy found out how many embryos we had left and the quality of them, she suggested transferring all THREE. We both F.R.O.Z.E. We were set on 2 max and that was it. Well, Dr Phy said she couldn't guarantee we wouldn't have triplets, but she was very, very comfortable with the fact we would most likely not. (But we decided if we do, it's because that is the gift God wants us to receive, and that's that! How do you pick which one to eliminate?! I couldn't!)

So, we transferred all three. Yes, call us crazy, insane, whatever. I don't care! I have worked sooooo hard trying to make sure this worked perfectly and I would do whatever it takes to get a baby out of this! NO we aren't gonna be "just like Octomom" or whatever. But, we really could just use more of your prayers to make sure we have at least one sweet baby from this cycle. I am having a hard time right now because I have faced so many negative pregnancy tests and just want one to finally come back positive. I am having a really hard time being excited and optimistic right now. I need God to fill me with his peace. I also only need to hear positive and uplifting encouragement, and not questions on why we chose 3 and all that. It was our decision and I fully support it 100%.

What's next??

So, yesterday was our BIG day! I've been looking so forward to this day for a long long long time. I was soo excited that we actually made it to retrieval day, as for some women, it doesn't happen. It was perfect. I didn't under-stimulate and I didn't overstimulate. Yay!

We actually stayed the night at a motel Thursday night because we had to be at the hospital so early. We got to the hospital at 5:45 a.m. to get changed into my beautiful gown:

Don't I look marvelous?? No makeup, hair is so frizzy w/ flyaways because I cant use any product! Oh well!!!! All worth it!



At 6:15, our nurse Katy came in and hooked up my IV. Yowza! I really don't like those things! Around 7:05, I got to walk back to the OR. It was a really cool/weird experience. Both surgeries I've had, I was kinda loopy at this point and was wheeled back. It was cool to see all of the equipment and meet the anesthesiologist and his CNA helper dude (sorry! forgot what he was called! lol!). I got on the itty bitty table and my gown got stuck under me. Katy and I were laughing so hard trying to get it out. Then I laid back and I remember telling the CNA dude to make sure he wakes me up, and we will still be friends! =) I was really anxious at this point because I knew I was about to be knocked out. When they put the oxygen mask on my face I seriously thought I was being suffocated. My heart was racing and I started to panic in my mind. I remember him telling me the medicince would sting and be cold. I just remember praying to God and saying "Hold me close to you Lord" and that was it!

I woke up (kinda, not really) in the elevator with Jeremy taking my picture:

I then really remeber waking up in the Post-Op recovery room. My eyesight was really fuzzy, but I knew what I saw! The SAME nurse who took care of me last March when I had surgery! I was excited to see her! She was sooo sweet to me and took great care of me! (And gave me 2 popsicles!) Then I heard this little boy crying right down from me. It broke my heart. I remember asking her if I could go see him. I thought I could help him feel better. She of course, wouldn't let me go! After 20 minutes of being there, they wheeled me to the room that you stay in until you are released. Guess what?! SAME nurse! Woo hoo!! Another sweet lady. The first thing I had to do was pee. I had almost a full IV before surgery because Katy forgot after she hooked up my IV and left it wide open. So, after going to the restroom, 10 minutes later, it was time to go again. They decided to go ahead and unhook my IV. Sweet! Freedom!!!!!! So, I was tired of that board, er I mean bed. So, I sat on the little couch and chowed down on my graham crackers and apple juice. Jeremy got called in there and was very surprised to see me doing well. (Usually I'm either puking or knocked out). After about 10 minutes, they decided I could go home! YAY!

We went to Cracker Barrel, and I ate pretty good and didn't sleep the entire drive home. After we got home, I was so hungry again! Ate lunch, took a 45 minute nap and was wired the rest of the day. We went and ate with family last night and I slept like 10 hours last night! Amazing!We've been stressing releaxing and waiting for the fertilization report.

When it came in, it showed we actually had ELEVEN eggs retrieved and 6 of them fertilized. Woo hoo!!!! I was kinda sad to see that there were 5 eggs that weren't up to par, but then I remembered that I had quite a few follicles that weren't quite mature enough, so that explains why! We will get daily reports from the embryologist that will explain to us how our little babies are doing each day. If by Monday we have a little show off, we may have a transfer that day. If they are all developing at a gradual rate, then we will have a 5 day, blastocyst transfer. Neither is actually "better" per-se, but it just depends on the quality of the embryo. 5-Day transfers have a little higher success rate because this is the stage in development that the embryo begins to "hatch" from the little shell and implants to the uterus.

So, this is it for now! We just wait some more! I am on progesterone injections and it wasn't too bad. I know it will get tougher and we are praying for 84 days of the shots, instead of 14! I know that God has a plan for us and all 6 of these babies of ours. I just hope that He will let us bring at least one home to know Him and allow us to raise him/her to praise Him for his amazing works! 



It's Show Time!!!!

So, we had our last ultrasound and blood work appointment today with Dr. Phy. I have 6 amazing follicles ranging from 16mm-20.5mm. I also have 3 that are 14-15mm. My blood work came back great, no signs of early ovulation (rare, but possible) and Estradiol level was at 1695 (amazing!).

So, Dr Phy set our egg retrieval (ET, as I call it for short, so you know what I'm saying) for Friday morning at 6:00 a.m. We have to be at the Labor & Delivery unit (where the Embryologist lives :) at 5:45 a.m. to get hooked up to IV's and all that fun stuff. YAY! More needles! =)

They are going to give me a mild sedative to make me sleep, but not completely be out like with anesthesia.

I had to take this bad boy tonight to get ready:

This is what is called a trigger shot. I had to mix it first and use a 1 1/2" needle to inject it into my gluteus maximus! Even though I freezed my tush for 10 minutes with the free icepack that came with my $2000 prescriptions, it still hurt a little and is super sore now. I better get my butt in gear, cause I have a lot more  booty shots coming up! If I get pregnant, I get 12 weeks of progesterone, that is thick like vegetable oil. Yowza! But, 100% of these shots and bruises and lumps and pain will be worth it to have a miracle baby to bring home to be ours.  

ANYWAYS! I never told you what the trigger shot does! haha! When the follicles are growing with a normal and medicated cycle, it is actually a little fluid filled sac that hopefully will contain an egg. The purpose of the trigger shot is to make the egg release from the sidewalls of the follicle, but still remain floating in the liquid. This will allow Dr. Phy to retrieve the eggs with the needle easier. Make sense? Clear as mud? If you are seriously interested, here's a really cool video on YouTube that has how this process works IVF Video

After the ET, Dr. Phy is done with her job and hands off the follicles in the test tube (How IVF babies got dubbed the name "Test Tube Baby") off to the Embryologist to do his magic. He will actually separate all of the eggs out of the fluid in the tube and will have a count of how many mature eggs I was able to grow. At this time, he will do a really cool technique that video didn't mention. It's called ICSI. The video states it's only used for fathers with poor sperm or whatever, but this is a standard procedure in their office because it has a much higher success rate! Click here: How the Egg(s) are fertilized.

So, after that, we will get daily reports on how our embryos (babies!!!) are doing daily. We are hoping and praying that we make it to a 5 day transfer (Wednesday). At that point, the embryos will be a blastocyst and will have a much higher chance for survival. Just whatever the embryologist deems best for our little guys and us! 

Keep us in your prayers! God is doing some amazing things,  and I just know he is capable of giving us our miracle! =)

Definitely a "Whew" kinda day

Well, these last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster for me.  Last Thursday we went to Lubbock to what was supposed to be my baseline ultrasound appointment and they did bloodwork to check my Estradiol (Estrogen released from the ovaries) levels. One of the nurses thought she saw a small cyst on my left ovary, and stated she wasn't too concerned. I was worried because I'd been on birth control for 2 months now and then like 8 days of Lupron, both which are to put everything to sleep and prevent cysts from forming. But, since she said she wasn't worried, I blew it off. We went on with the rest of the appointment and then we had to go to the outpatient facility to register for the egg retrieval. That took nearly 2 hours just to wait to be called back. Super sleepy at that point!

As soon as we got back to town, I get a phone call from Dr. Phy's nurse, Katy. She proceeds to tell me that my Estradiol levels were still elevated and that I would need to remain on the Lupron (ovary sleepy medicine) until my appointment that I had scheduled already for today. Boo hiss! This really made me get anxious. I was fully prepared to start taking my stims (wake up ovaries medicine that makes follicles start growing) on Friday, and then everything be just hunky-dory. Welp, once again, my plans don't always work out! =)

So, fast forward to Today, and we are in Lubbock, once again! They wanted to do a quick ultrasound and then draw my blood for another Estradiol level test. Turns out, there wasn't a cyst afterall, it was just a larger follicle, yippee! (Cysts are a nightmare for IVF'ers, as they often-times create cycles to be cancelled) Around lunch, Jeremy called to let me know that I needed to start taking my stims. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!! YIPPPPEEEEEE!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! This means that the levels dropped!!! I went to the health office to take my first dose of Follistim. It wasn't too bad! It's actually really kinda fun! This evening, I took my first dose of Menopur. Jeremy actually mixed, drew and injected it! He did great! I like that he wants to be apart of this as much as possible! At 12:30 tonight (well, in the morning I guess I should say) I get to take the Follistim again! Hummmm....I guess I can deal with the lack of sleep for 10 more days! =D

So, keep us in your prayers and we just KNOW that God is working a miracle and that we will have a baby very soon! =)

Emotional

So, I know I'm only on day 4 of my Lupron, but mannnnnnnn am I emotional. I have had my feelings hurt over the stupidest things today. I cried because I felt that my co-teacher left me alone because she was mad at me. I have cried because I thought no-one wants to hang out with us because we are kid-less. I cannot quit. I SWORE I wouldn't be this way, but hormone treatments are hard. The hot-flashes are awful. This is just not a pretty sign for the future! Oh! Let's not mention the breakouts! :( We still have 4 more weeks of injections to go. I pray this gets easier! I keep trying to tell myself to suck it up because no-one wants to be around a whine bag, then I get weepy again. Haha.

Well, God is on our side and I know he is performing miracles, so it will all be worth it! To everyone that has to deal with me (especially my amazing husband) I am soooooo sorry! It will all be over soon!!

Faithfully

So, today was the first day of my injections for our first In-Vitro cycle. I am soooo excited to travel this road and I have such high hope for success. Science has it's statistics of percentages and the possibilities of it not working, and that is great, but I have trust and faith in the Lord that he will fulfil the desires of our hearts. I know that He has been working dilligently on our spirit and is helping us to first long him. I have been so lonely lately. I LOVE my husband more than anything, but something has been missing. (I shared this with Jeremy, by the way!) I am still a new Christian. I was saved July of 2008. I got very involved with the Church we attended and even taught a Sunday School class. Then I let Satan take hold of my thoughts and my ways and stopped going all together. Now, I am soo lonely for God's attention and companionship again. I am feeling such a strong desire to go to Church and fellowship with Christians. I am NOT outgoing at all, but I am pushing myself to become this way, to grow closer to Him.

People comment and ask me all the time how I am so strong or how inspiring I am. But let me tell you, I haven't always been. I have been mad at God. I have tried to take this into my own hands. I have quit. I have wandered. This has got me no-where. One day after I was around a couple of people and their small children, I became very jealous and my heart started to hurt, as it usually did. I left the place I was at and began to drive. As I drove I began to cry. I begged and pleaded with God to take my desire and make it real. I asked Him to release me from the chains of self-pity and sorrow and jealousy and replace them with joy and love for Him. I told him that I was giving this battle 100% to Him and that I trusted Him to handle this and that I know He can and will make it work for us. I can't say that I felt an immediate peace that night, but it did come a few weeks later. I prayed every time I would begin to feel sad or sorry for myself for God to give me a peace that passes all understanding and to continue to help me work on my faith in him. I can say right now I have that. I am very excited about this journey like I said. I am a little anxious, but soooo very excited to know that in just 35 days we could find out we will be parents.

What does the Bible say to us about Faith? Here are a few scriptures I have found that I love and that help encourage me to trust in Him. As I was searching for some new scriptures, I came across this "The word faith comes from the Greek word "pistis". Pistis simply means to accept the truth as it is and to be completely content with His will.

1 Peter 5:7
Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

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John 14:27
I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.

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Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^MY FAVORITE SCRIPTURE ON FAITH^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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Psalms 40:1-3
I waited patiently for God to help me; then He listened and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out from the bog and the mire, and set my feet on a hard, firm path and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, of praises to our God. Now many will hear of the glorious things He did for me, and stand in awe before the Lord, and put their trust in Him.

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Psalms 34:17-19
Yes, the Lord hears the good man when he calls to Him for help, and saves him out of all his troubles. The Lord is close to those whose heart is breaking; He rescues those who are humbly sorry for their sins. The good man does not escape all troubles - he has them, too. But the Lord helps him in each and every one.

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Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong! Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them! For the Lord your God will be with you. He will neither fail you nor forsake you.

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Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust the Lord completely; don't ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.

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Romans 8:28
And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans.

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Gearing up for IVF

Here lately, this is all I can think about. I have read every book I can find, scoured the internet for hours on end, hung out in message boards, and more. I just want to be so prepared. I LOVE learning everything that has to do with infertility and all of the amazing things that God has given the scientists the ability to do. It's so baffling how cool it is. You should look up ICSI and read more about it! Soooooo cool!! =)

We had our second IVF meeting with Dr Phy last week and she went over everything we will do and did some blood tests and an ultrasound of my ovaries to count the follicles. She said I had an amazing number of follicles and she feels very confident about us doing IVF. She did tell us, though, because I am so young, she has to monitor me very closely, to watch for Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. It is extremely serious, (and rare...), but because of my age, I am at a higher risk of developing it due to the heavy dose of medications I will be on. She is gonna keep me in the middle area of medications for our first IVF (heck, I hope it's the ONLY one!)

They did a new blood test that cost us $75, but we felt it was important to go ahead and do the test. It checks the anti-mullerian hormone. This is a pretty new test, and it isn't guaged to use for a diagnosis at this time, but it does help give a little more information about my ovaries and follicles, which will help her determine how much of all of the stimulating hormones I will need to be on. It gives her a key as to how low or high the amount of eggs I have left, or ovarian reserves. It also tells her how responsive my ovaries are. Usually, it goes hand and hand with age. Like, the older you get, your egg supply and response will lower. Well, not in my case. She wanted the levels to be at a 3, and mine are 1.1. Higher than 3, is an indicator of PCOS, which is very troublesome for people trying to conceive. Usually, with people who have a lower AMH level, they would increase the stimulating medications, but because of my chance of overstimulating, she isn't going to. So,we have to be prepared for this not to work, as it's basically a "trial run". I was very bummed out when I got the news, but I know that God is in control and He is able to do mighty things! So, we just know that we have one more thing that gives us answers about why we are having trouble. I always wondered if something was wrong with my ovaries, because I would only produce 1-2 follicles during IUI, and everything I have ever read, women would produce 6 or more. So, maybe it is helpful, after all!?

We have our 3rd IVF appointment next Tuesday, the 21st. It's kind of boring to me right now, because we are in the wait-wait-wait- process...I'm ready for some action! (Yes!!! even the shots!!!) Our next appointment is going to be a saline ultrasound so Dr Phy will be able to check and make sure I have a beautiful uterus! =) She is checking for any scar tissue from the septum surgery. If there is any, we will have to have surgery again to remove it. BOO!!! So, prayer request number one! Pray for NO scar tissue! She is then going to do what is called a Mock Embryo Transfer. And it's basically what I just said. She is going to use a catheter like what she will use for the actual embryo transfer to gauge where she will need to place the embryos. This is important to do prior to the actual day of ET (Embryo Transfer) because everyones uterus is so different, it helps to pinpoint the perfect place. The whole goal of IVF is to obtain perfection with every step.

We are soooo excited to embark on our new journey to try to become parents, and cannot wait. Please pray for His guidance and will for us during this whole treatment, as it's pretty lengthy and can get greusome. Thank you all for everything you have done to help us get this far and I give glory and praise to the ultimate physician who is able to give us our hearts true desire!