It's Show Time!!!!

So, we had our last ultrasound and blood work appointment today with Dr. Phy. I have 6 amazing follicles ranging from 16mm-20.5mm. I also have 3 that are 14-15mm. My blood work came back great, no signs of early ovulation (rare, but possible) and Estradiol level was at 1695 (amazing!).

So, Dr Phy set our egg retrieval (ET, as I call it for short, so you know what I'm saying) for Friday morning at 6:00 a.m. We have to be at the Labor & Delivery unit (where the Embryologist lives :) at 5:45 a.m. to get hooked up to IV's and all that fun stuff. YAY! More needles! =)

They are going to give me a mild sedative to make me sleep, but not completely be out like with anesthesia.

I had to take this bad boy tonight to get ready:

This is what is called a trigger shot. I had to mix it first and use a 1 1/2" needle to inject it into my gluteus maximus! Even though I freezed my tush for 10 minutes with the free icepack that came with my $2000 prescriptions, it still hurt a little and is super sore now. I better get my butt in gear, cause I have a lot more  booty shots coming up! If I get pregnant, I get 12 weeks of progesterone, that is thick like vegetable oil. Yowza! But, 100% of these shots and bruises and lumps and pain will be worth it to have a miracle baby to bring home to be ours.  

ANYWAYS! I never told you what the trigger shot does! haha! When the follicles are growing with a normal and medicated cycle, it is actually a little fluid filled sac that hopefully will contain an egg. The purpose of the trigger shot is to make the egg release from the sidewalls of the follicle, but still remain floating in the liquid. This will allow Dr. Phy to retrieve the eggs with the needle easier. Make sense? Clear as mud? If you are seriously interested, here's a really cool video on YouTube that has how this process works IVF Video

After the ET, Dr. Phy is done with her job and hands off the follicles in the test tube (How IVF babies got dubbed the name "Test Tube Baby") off to the Embryologist to do his magic. He will actually separate all of the eggs out of the fluid in the tube and will have a count of how many mature eggs I was able to grow. At this time, he will do a really cool technique that video didn't mention. It's called ICSI. The video states it's only used for fathers with poor sperm or whatever, but this is a standard procedure in their office because it has a much higher success rate! Click here: How the Egg(s) are fertilized.

So, after that, we will get daily reports on how our embryos (babies!!!) are doing daily. We are hoping and praying that we make it to a 5 day transfer (Wednesday). At that point, the embryos will be a blastocyst and will have a much higher chance for survival. Just whatever the embryologist deems best for our little guys and us! 

Keep us in your prayers! God is doing some amazing things,  and I just know he is capable of giving us our miracle! =)

Definitely a "Whew" kinda day

Well, these last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster for me.  Last Thursday we went to Lubbock to what was supposed to be my baseline ultrasound appointment and they did bloodwork to check my Estradiol (Estrogen released from the ovaries) levels. One of the nurses thought she saw a small cyst on my left ovary, and stated she wasn't too concerned. I was worried because I'd been on birth control for 2 months now and then like 8 days of Lupron, both which are to put everything to sleep and prevent cysts from forming. But, since she said she wasn't worried, I blew it off. We went on with the rest of the appointment and then we had to go to the outpatient facility to register for the egg retrieval. That took nearly 2 hours just to wait to be called back. Super sleepy at that point!

As soon as we got back to town, I get a phone call from Dr. Phy's nurse, Katy. She proceeds to tell me that my Estradiol levels were still elevated and that I would need to remain on the Lupron (ovary sleepy medicine) until my appointment that I had scheduled already for today. Boo hiss! This really made me get anxious. I was fully prepared to start taking my stims (wake up ovaries medicine that makes follicles start growing) on Friday, and then everything be just hunky-dory. Welp, once again, my plans don't always work out! =)

So, fast forward to Today, and we are in Lubbock, once again! They wanted to do a quick ultrasound and then draw my blood for another Estradiol level test. Turns out, there wasn't a cyst afterall, it was just a larger follicle, yippee! (Cysts are a nightmare for IVF'ers, as they often-times create cycles to be cancelled) Around lunch, Jeremy called to let me know that I needed to start taking my stims. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!! YIPPPPEEEEEE!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! This means that the levels dropped!!! I went to the health office to take my first dose of Follistim. It wasn't too bad! It's actually really kinda fun! This evening, I took my first dose of Menopur. Jeremy actually mixed, drew and injected it! He did great! I like that he wants to be apart of this as much as possible! At 12:30 tonight (well, in the morning I guess I should say) I get to take the Follistim again! Hummmm....I guess I can deal with the lack of sleep for 10 more days! =D

So, keep us in your prayers and we just KNOW that God is working a miracle and that we will have a baby very soon! =)

Emotional

So, I know I'm only on day 4 of my Lupron, but mannnnnnnn am I emotional. I have had my feelings hurt over the stupidest things today. I cried because I felt that my co-teacher left me alone because she was mad at me. I have cried because I thought no-one wants to hang out with us because we are kid-less. I cannot quit. I SWORE I wouldn't be this way, but hormone treatments are hard. The hot-flashes are awful. This is just not a pretty sign for the future! Oh! Let's not mention the breakouts! :( We still have 4 more weeks of injections to go. I pray this gets easier! I keep trying to tell myself to suck it up because no-one wants to be around a whine bag, then I get weepy again. Haha.

Well, God is on our side and I know he is performing miracles, so it will all be worth it! To everyone that has to deal with me (especially my amazing husband) I am soooooo sorry! It will all be over soon!!

Faithfully

So, today was the first day of my injections for our first In-Vitro cycle. I am soooo excited to travel this road and I have such high hope for success. Science has it's statistics of percentages and the possibilities of it not working, and that is great, but I have trust and faith in the Lord that he will fulfil the desires of our hearts. I know that He has been working dilligently on our spirit and is helping us to first long him. I have been so lonely lately. I LOVE my husband more than anything, but something has been missing. (I shared this with Jeremy, by the way!) I am still a new Christian. I was saved July of 2008. I got very involved with the Church we attended and even taught a Sunday School class. Then I let Satan take hold of my thoughts and my ways and stopped going all together. Now, I am soo lonely for God's attention and companionship again. I am feeling such a strong desire to go to Church and fellowship with Christians. I am NOT outgoing at all, but I am pushing myself to become this way, to grow closer to Him.

People comment and ask me all the time how I am so strong or how inspiring I am. But let me tell you, I haven't always been. I have been mad at God. I have tried to take this into my own hands. I have quit. I have wandered. This has got me no-where. One day after I was around a couple of people and their small children, I became very jealous and my heart started to hurt, as it usually did. I left the place I was at and began to drive. As I drove I began to cry. I begged and pleaded with God to take my desire and make it real. I asked Him to release me from the chains of self-pity and sorrow and jealousy and replace them with joy and love for Him. I told him that I was giving this battle 100% to Him and that I trusted Him to handle this and that I know He can and will make it work for us. I can't say that I felt an immediate peace that night, but it did come a few weeks later. I prayed every time I would begin to feel sad or sorry for myself for God to give me a peace that passes all understanding and to continue to help me work on my faith in him. I can say right now I have that. I am very excited about this journey like I said. I am a little anxious, but soooo very excited to know that in just 35 days we could find out we will be parents.

What does the Bible say to us about Faith? Here are a few scriptures I have found that I love and that help encourage me to trust in Him. As I was searching for some new scriptures, I came across this "The word faith comes from the Greek word "pistis". Pistis simply means to accept the truth as it is and to be completely content with His will.

1 Peter 5:7
Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

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John 14:27
I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.

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Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^MY FAVORITE SCRIPTURE ON FAITH^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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Psalms 40:1-3
I waited patiently for God to help me; then He listened and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out from the bog and the mire, and set my feet on a hard, firm path and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, of praises to our God. Now many will hear of the glorious things He did for me, and stand in awe before the Lord, and put their trust in Him.

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Psalms 34:17-19
Yes, the Lord hears the good man when he calls to Him for help, and saves him out of all his troubles. The Lord is close to those whose heart is breaking; He rescues those who are humbly sorry for their sins. The good man does not escape all troubles - he has them, too. But the Lord helps him in each and every one.

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Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong! Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them! For the Lord your God will be with you. He will neither fail you nor forsake you.

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Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust the Lord completely; don't ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.

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Romans 8:28
And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans.

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Gearing up for IVF

Here lately, this is all I can think about. I have read every book I can find, scoured the internet for hours on end, hung out in message boards, and more. I just want to be so prepared. I LOVE learning everything that has to do with infertility and all of the amazing things that God has given the scientists the ability to do. It's so baffling how cool it is. You should look up ICSI and read more about it! Soooooo cool!! =)

We had our second IVF meeting with Dr Phy last week and she went over everything we will do and did some blood tests and an ultrasound of my ovaries to count the follicles. She said I had an amazing number of follicles and she feels very confident about us doing IVF. She did tell us, though, because I am so young, she has to monitor me very closely, to watch for Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. It is extremely serious, (and rare...), but because of my age, I am at a higher risk of developing it due to the heavy dose of medications I will be on. She is gonna keep me in the middle area of medications for our first IVF (heck, I hope it's the ONLY one!)

They did a new blood test that cost us $75, but we felt it was important to go ahead and do the test. It checks the anti-mullerian hormone. This is a pretty new test, and it isn't guaged to use for a diagnosis at this time, but it does help give a little more information about my ovaries and follicles, which will help her determine how much of all of the stimulating hormones I will need to be on. It gives her a key as to how low or high the amount of eggs I have left, or ovarian reserves. It also tells her how responsive my ovaries are. Usually, it goes hand and hand with age. Like, the older you get, your egg supply and response will lower. Well, not in my case. She wanted the levels to be at a 3, and mine are 1.1. Higher than 3, is an indicator of PCOS, which is very troublesome for people trying to conceive. Usually, with people who have a lower AMH level, they would increase the stimulating medications, but because of my chance of overstimulating, she isn't going to. So,we have to be prepared for this not to work, as it's basically a "trial run". I was very bummed out when I got the news, but I know that God is in control and He is able to do mighty things! So, we just know that we have one more thing that gives us answers about why we are having trouble. I always wondered if something was wrong with my ovaries, because I would only produce 1-2 follicles during IUI, and everything I have ever read, women would produce 6 or more. So, maybe it is helpful, after all!?

We have our 3rd IVF appointment next Tuesday, the 21st. It's kind of boring to me right now, because we are in the wait-wait-wait- process...I'm ready for some action! (Yes!!! even the shots!!!) Our next appointment is going to be a saline ultrasound so Dr Phy will be able to check and make sure I have a beautiful uterus! =) She is checking for any scar tissue from the septum surgery. If there is any, we will have to have surgery again to remove it. BOO!!! So, prayer request number one! Pray for NO scar tissue! She is then going to do what is called a Mock Embryo Transfer. And it's basically what I just said. She is going to use a catheter like what she will use for the actual embryo transfer to gauge where she will need to place the embryos. This is important to do prior to the actual day of ET (Embryo Transfer) because everyones uterus is so different, it helps to pinpoint the perfect place. The whole goal of IVF is to obtain perfection with every step.

We are soooo excited to embark on our new journey to try to become parents, and cannot wait. Please pray for His guidance and will for us during this whole treatment, as it's pretty lengthy and can get greusome. Thank you all for everything you have done to help us get this far and I give glory and praise to the ultimate physician who is able to give us our hearts true desire!

This is it!

So, today we had our first initial IVF consult with Dr. Phy. I felt it was a pretty great appointment. She shared with us her deep concern of us not achieving pregnancy over the last several months since the surgery in March. She shared with us that there are only 2 other things that could possibly be "wrong" with us not getting pregnant. One is an issue with my fallopian tubes actually carrying the egg and eventually embryo to the uterus. The second being the sperm may not be able to penetrate an egg. Both of these are resolved with IVF. (Get to that in a second...)


She did offer another type of infertility treatment, however didn't suggest it for our specific needs. It would be a SUPER ovulation with IUI. I would be on multiply injections that would create, just as it's stated, a super ovulation. This is way too risky for me, because of my age and because I don't have any type of blockages. It could actually cause 4+ eggs to release and possibly be fertilized, which is a severe health risk for me and babies. Also, the risk of hyper-stimulation to my ovaries is at risk. It is best suited for those with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, basically, there are tons of little cysts that envelop the ovaries causing many many problems) and also for those women who have blockages. She also stated that before she would do such super ovulation, she wouldn't do it without doing a laparoscopy again to make sure that my endometriosis hasn't grown back very much. We know that it will, because there is no permanent cure for endometriosis, and I will eventually have to have a hysterectomy. Which I guess is the permanent cure. ANYWAYS....


So, after I completely shut down that idea, she praised me for it and then shared with me how she didn't really want us to do it either, she then went into the Mack-Daddy protocol a little. She just gave us an overview, as we will have to go back to her office on December 6th for a extreme in-depth consult and injection trainings, as there are TONS to do! :(( We feel that this is the road that we will embark on and it will start VERY soon! She didn't want us to do it during the holiday season, because of the extra stress Christmas can bring ("Good Stress" is still not good for an IVF cycle) and I will be done with my hellacious math class. Here's how it will break down in just a short summary, I will blog details after the 6th.


 In about 2 weeks, I will start taking birth control pills. I know this sounds kinda crazy and a bit of an oxymoron, but it's actually what makes good ovulation. The birth control shuts down my ovaries and puts them to sleep. About 2-3 weeks after, I will go in to her office to have a Sono Saline Hysterogram (click this linky to read a little more if you wanna) done. This will show her if I still have a "Beautiful Uterus". This actually will check my endometrium (lining) and will make sure there are no polyps and to make sure the arcuate that I still have from the septum removal isn't doing anything wonky. Basically, I still have a tiny dip at the top of my uterus that was not able to be removed because it is all muscle.


During that visit, she will also do a practice embryo transfer. This is to help her see where she needs to place the embryo's later. Then we just kinda wait the rest of that cycle out. The next cycle we will call when I start to have a baseline ultrasound done. This is to make 100% sure my ovaries are still asleep. I will then start taking FUN medications...Shots! On cycle day 4, I will then go in for a blood test and an ultrasound to check on my ovaries. On days 6, 8 and 10, I have to go for ultrasounds to check on the growing follicles. Around day 10-12, I will take my "trigger" shot and then 36 hours after than go in for my egg retrieval. I will be heavily sedated and if you wanna know how this process works, I won't post it all here, but you can click this linky HERE to get the gory details. After the retrieval, they will combine my eggs with J's swimmers in separate "petri dishes". Half of the eggs will be allowed to be fertilized naturally, where the swimmers are allowed to try to penetrate on their own. The other half will be fertilized using a really awesome method clld ICSI (Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection). This is basically where the embryologists selects the top-notch swimmers and will inject one in each egg.


24 hours later, they will check to see how many of the eggs were fertilized. 75% is average. At this time, the ones that did take, now have 2 nuclei. This will begin the rapid division that you all learned about during biology! When the embryo(s) have reached the blastocyst stage, 5 days later, it is time for the embryo(s) transfer. We will then go back into Dr. Phy's office and  they will have the embryo(s) loaded up in a little catheter. Depending on the grade (A being best), I will only have 1-2 embryo's transferred.


 This will all be just like the IUI's we have done previously. 2 days later,  I will be back on progesterone. I will have a Beta (quantitative) blood pregnancy test done about 14 days later. If I am not pregnant, I will stop taking the progesterone. If I am, then I will continue until 12 weeks.


We are sooo sooo sooo excited, a little nervous, of course, but sooo soo soo excited! Dr Phy's success rate is 70% with IVF and she is sooo confident that this will work for us. Of course, there are NO guarantees. Just our faith in God during this time! The biggest concern that we both had was what does she do with the remaining embryos. When I shared with her our concern, she gave us 4 options.

1. If they are of grade A quality (cream of the crop, best of the best) we will be eligible to freeze them. They will be indefinitely "good" and won't "expire". This is excellent in case this doesn't work, we don't have to have another egg harvest that cycle. Also, this will save us from future egg harvesting if/when we go for another kiddos.
2. We can donate them to a center for couples to adopt. At this point, this is one of the least options we feel comfortable with. I know that it would be a blessing for another couple, however, we just both don't like the idea of it. God can change our mind at anytime, and I have to be okay with that!
3. We can "discard" them. This is the ABSOLUTE last thing we will do. This was the deal breaker with the IVF. If there was no other option, we would not be doing this procedure at all.
4. Finally, we can donate to science. How is this different from discarding them, because they will no longer be alive? Well, we honestly felt peace from God at the same time about this option. Knowing that our embryos could help scientists discover something to help future IVF'ers, is just what we want. I don't want them being tossed out in vain. 

We have decided that cryopreservation (freezing) is our #1 goal, then donation to science. 

So, friends and family, if you made it to the very bottom of this without going cross-eyed, I thank you oh so very much! You rock! =D Please please please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and just keep every toe and finger crossed for a successful cycle. 

New book to read....

So, I've been searching for a book on In-Vitro that will tell me all the details of this process. I'm VERY VERY VERY familiar with pretty much everything Infertility related, except In-Vitro. I guess 'cause I never expected us to be going down this road. So, now it's time to edu-ma-cate myself! I actually really enjoy learning about all things Infertility related. New techniques, drugs, statistics...It's like crack to my soul!

So, anyways! As I was searching all over the place for something that wasn't too dry, and actually may or may not have pictures in it (yup. I'm still 5 inside!), I came across this book and downloaded it to my Nook. I really love that thing! Have I ever mentioned that before? That's another blog post.

Well, I haven't started it yet....But, I'm really excited to learn some. Hopefully. The front says: "Everything you need to know to maximize your chances of success." I know there isn't a magic potion buried in there, and FULLY still rely on my Faith in God that this is where we should go. I'm not looking for a miracle drug or whatever, just some knowledge! =) I know that my God is the only one who will maximize my chance for success, if it's His will. 

Oh! We have our IVF workup consult scheduled with Dr Phy on Monday! Cannot cannot cannot wait to see how she does things, and SOOOOO not looking forward to that price tag. My father in law says "It's still not the biggest sacrifice that you will ever do for your child..." I don't get that. At all. But he says when you have kids, you will understand. I'm thinking...Geeze...I think I've made a crap-load of sacrifices already just to get him/her (or hims and hers! *yes those are words, to me!*) here, so I cannot imagine what else is in store. Perhaps another piece of God's plan?!? Me thinks so!

Well, I think I've kinda rambled a little much tonight! Off to read! Wish us luck and pray pray pray! =)