They weren't His.
There I went again not focusing my life on living daily for HIM! He has promised me the desires of my heart, but I gotta put my whole heart into my faith. Not just a little at a time or when I felt like it that day. I have to put my entire trust in His promise each and every day, when I'm having a bad day because of the fertility drugs, when I'm tired, when I'm having a great day. I need to PRAISE HIM for allowing us to have this experience. Many people would love to have the experience of having an IUI to have children, but are financially unable to. He loves me so much and doesn't cause pain upon my heart. He isn't inflicting the anger, the saddness. That is Satan trying to turn my praise into negativity. The thoughts of "Why? Why not me? What did I do wrong? What is so wrong with me? Don't you love me?" flooded my mind.
I will confess, the last two weeks, the dreaded 2-week-wait, I was in entire doubt the whole time. I just *knew* it didn't work. Nothing has ever worked, so why would this work?! Who am I kidding? Each day Jeremy talked to a "Phantom Baby" just like it was there. I thought he was ridiculous and often told him to quit because there isn't even a child in there. He had that FAITH that God would allow us to have a child. (**I secretly miss him talking to my tummy!**) He has been my rock during this trial, and he has helped me to see that I need to let go of the doubt and just have faith! I need to let God work beautifully in my life. So, we will continue to go forward in this journey, as I feel this is where we should be. But, I'm moving over to the passenger seat and gonna enjoy this ride. Who knows where He will take me??!
